New Title: Journey through Hell...

I have decided I should rename my blog from 'Journey through Breast Cancer' to 'My Journey through Hell'. That's certainly how I have felt the past few days. This treatment has been so rough, I literally wanted to die. I started getting hot flashes again Monday afternoon and couldn't get comfortable. One minute I would be drenched with sweat, the next I would be freezing, kind of like the flu. I wasn't in too much pain and thought I had lucked out this treatment.... boy was I wrong. I woke up at 2 am throwing up and spiking a temp just like a month ago when I went into the hospital. I couldn't keep anything down, not even water. I was so absolutely miserable! I was in SO much pain I couldn't move my body. My legs felt like they had been broken and I had stabbing pain all over my body. I couldn't keep any anti-nausea medications down, so that meant no pain meds would stay down either.

My husband called the Oncologist office early and they told him to bring me up. I was so mad, first, because I could barely walk and the thought of getting dressed wore me out. Second, I was afraid I would be admitted to the hospital again. He finally got me to agree to go and took me up there. They got me in a bed, put in an I.V. and gave me pain medication and anti-nausea meds. I felt much better after being re-hydrated...the morphine didn't hurt either :)

The staff there is excellent and so nice! I love Snake River Oncology as much as you can like a place like that! Dr. Shull is awesome! Not to mention my bill will hopefully be a lot less that the $5000 hospital bill I just received from last month!! The receptionist also made a kind comment to me. She said she has worked in the medical field for 15 years and she has never met a husband that is as supportive and caring as mine. Her and another lady in the office went on about how kind and caring Brent is. I felt so grateful again for such a great husband. He has been my rock. He has been there for me every step of the way and he still manages to find time to work full-time and still be a great Dad to his girls. I love you Brent!

My sister Lynne came over that morning and took my kids for a couple of days. It was such a relief to know she had them and they were being taken care of, and I didn't have to worry. I knew I couldn't do it. As a mother...that is the worst feeling knowing you can't care for you children. It's a mixture of guilt, frustration, and sorrow...even humiliation. I am grateful for those who help us in our time of need. Words can't express my gratitude.

Today, I have relaxed and rested. My sister still has the girls. When I talked to them they told me they wanted to stay and play at Aunt Lynnie's. Maybe it's because she lets them eat ice cream and chocolate for lunch...or that they know they are loved. Either one I am relieved.

I have been writing about my experience of being told of my diagnosis and having to tell others. I will try and post it soon. I am also still waiting to hear back on my genetic testing. I have been very concerned about the results because of the indications it would have on my surgery... which is coming up. If I have both the BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes that means a double radical mastectomy at age 32, plus removal of my ovaries. It's a lot to consider. But, for now only two more chemo treatments!! Yeah!!!